In 2021, Jennifer, a 38-year-old former gang member, finally has a house of her own for the first time in 25 years. She sits confidently on a small sofa in her modest living room, reflecting her authority and resilience. Despite the modesty of her home, which is situated near gang territories, Jennifer expresses gratitude for her independence. Her story is one of survival, rising through the violent world of Honduran gangs and ultimately seeking a way out.

Jennifer’s introduction to gang life began at the age of 13, after enduring rape by her stepfather. Escaping her abusive household, she sought refuge on the streets, joining a local gang in Honduras. In the 1990s, Honduran gangs were heavily influenced by deported convicts from the U.S., particularly from Los Angeles, where notorious gangs like Barrio 18 and Mara Salvatrucha (MS-13) flourished. Jennifer quickly rose through the ranks, leaving her local gang to join the more powerful transnational group, Barrio 18. Her ambition was not just to be part of the gang but to become a leader, a position she achieved by the age of 15.

Her rise to power was fraught with challenges, especially as a woman in a deeply patriarchal and violent environment. Despite the gang’s sexist expectations—where women were often relegated to drug smuggling or domestic chores—Jennifer fought her way up. She rejected the subservient roles and proved her worth in the same violent and authoritative ways as her male counterparts. Her fierce resistance to gender norms and her ability to command others earned her respect and a leadership position, overseeing drug operations and managing other female members.

However, the realities of gang life, marked by constant violence and revenge killings, took a toll on her. Jennifer often questioned her participation, especially since her original motivation for joining was to seek revenge on her stepfather, a target the gang forbade her from pursuing. Over time, the endless cycle of violence, where one murder led to another in retaliation, became exhausting. Jennifer described this relentless bloodshed as a “never-ending story.”

Eventually, after years of killings, drug trafficking, and incarceration, Jennifer sought to leave the gang. Her turning point came when she gave birth to her first son while in prison. She pleaded with gang leaders to let her go, a rare and dangerous request, but one she was granted due to her years of loyalty. Jennifer left the gang, turning to religion and attempting to rebuild her life. However, reintegration was not easy. She relapsed into substance abuse, struggled financially, and lived under the shadow of her past. Her tattoos, some of which she was allowed to cover up, still mark her as a former gang member—a constant reminder of a life she can never fully escape.

Today, Jennifer remains sober, raising her three children while fearing that her sons may one day be drawn into the same violent world she fought so hard to leave behind. Despite her efforts to distance herself from the gang, the threat of violence still looms, both in her neighborhood and in her life.